5 types of drivers on Indian roads

“A man’s true character is measured by the way he drives”- Suroshree Dasgupta

Relax, I have done my research and no one else has come up with this quote yet. So it’s safe to say that it’s mine and I came up with it because past experience has taught me that, it is true.

I like people. They are generally very nice. Except when driving on the road. The road turns everyone into something else. It’s like the blast of a test detonation of a gamma bomb that eventually turns us into monsters. The steering wheel and the driver’s seat transform us into a deadly combination of Jekyll and Frankenstein, waiting to turn into Hulk. Truth be known, the road brings out the Hulk in all of us, waiting to erupt into a hyper-aggressive, brutal, cunning and scheming monster; in the form of the following 5 Drivers (feel free to add to this list):

1. The multi-tasker :
I am going to stereotype this one and just assume that it is mostly women. So, let me get this one straight out of the list. It is extremely important we discuss about the multi-tasker. She may not be particularly angry but, boy, she has a lot of pent up energy, which she chooses to release while driving. So texting someone, calling her boyfriend, combing her hair, changing her display picture, updating the status, setting up meetings, EVERYTHING has to be done while driving. Might as well give her a weapon of mass destruction and call it even.

2. The ‘territorial drivers’:
Includes the bus, trucks, tempos and even SUV drivers. They probably believe that they own the road and in fact the entire city. Surely the ones who suffer from the ‘mere baap ka road hain’ syndrome, they'll gladly take over the whole road as they steamroll forward and marginalize everyone else, including the wrong-way cyclists and the annoying bikers. But three wrongs don't make a right turn.

3. The lane changer:
This guy swerves in and out of lanes, hopping like a metal frog between cars, trying to get in front of everyone. Sometimes they dance from lane to lane without a thought or use of any indicator as if they are in the middle of a video game. So, eventually when you come to a red light and you notice that he has only managed to cut only 3.2 seconds off of his drive time

4. The ‘incessant horn-blowers’:
One species, our country has an excess of and seems like we cannot expect them to be extinct anytime soon either. Their entire machismo depends on their easy access to a pointless, deafening horn. These cannibalistic cretins will beep for no godly reason other than to torture you while reminding themselves and everyone else around that they exist. 

5. The ‘I’ll walk whenever/wherever/however I want to-people’:
Jay running is their passion, which is not the worst thing. But they don't even look around as they do that, too focused on the music they're listening to, the call they are on, or in deep thought about their very important suicide mission. I have no problem at all with their apparent death wish, but do they have to jeopardize everyone else’s life too?



I know the list is endless. There are the wrong-way bike riders, the slow pokes, the perpendicular turn-takers or the random turn-takers and many more, but I’ll save that for another post. For now, I am pretty mad at these 5 drivers I met on my way to work today. I might ram into one of them if they don’t mend their ways, soon.

The road makes me angry.