5 Unethical People in an elevator

As children, we are all pretty much taught very early on in our lives about the importance of etiquettes and social ethics. Parents across the world have tailor made their own set of commandments, which if followed by their children, will apparently make them socially acceptable/ liked/ applauded/ appreciated (add any other appropriate adjective). For some parents, educating their children about good ethics and manners is as important as defining that thin line that differentiates man from animal.  Sometimes learning how to say thank you, please is as important as learning how to walk. One must learn how to be polite before one can even talk.

However, ones understanding and knowledge of these social ethics and how well they have been imbibed is really put to the test in an elevator. For some reason it’s that one place on Earth, where children and adults alike throw all kinds of etiquettes out of the window. Or, should I say, out of the elevator. The same people who greet you with a warm smile out on the street, turn obnoxious inside an elevator. And it’s not only that one person but everyone in that elevator seems to behave in a similar fashion. Sometimes, it makes me wonder, if every elevator in the world releases some kind of elevator-occupant friendly-obnoxious fumes. Which when inhaled, turns everyone into invidious clones of each other. Because, surprisingly enough, no matter the country, the state, the building, the floor, the elevator; one will always find the following 5 types of people in every elevator. Without exception.

TYPE 1: The Button Pusher:

The species which pushes the button over and over again is called the ‘Button Pusher’. They push the elevator button multiple times, sometimes ferociously, as if it will make the elevator come any faster. Many a times, they are also found pushing both the up and down button as if the arrows are actually meant for the same direction, but have been designed for the convenience of the button pushers, so they could push as many buttons as possible.

TYPE 2: The Impatient Traveller:

Very common tale in our country but nevertheless the impatient deserves a mention. The species is often found jumping on in the elevator before anyone else, naturally breaking the queue. Obviously they believe that the elevator will take them to their destination a lot sooner than others if push on it first.

TYPE 3: The Lift Driver

Yeah, who would’ve known that an elevator would also have it own non-designated driver? This strange species is obsessed with being in control and being in the driver’s seat. They are often found standing too close to the buttons making it practically impossible for the other occupants of the elevator to press the desired buttons. Sometimes they pretend to be polite by asking you “which floor?” just so that they can push the button for you. Other times they just like to be in the driver’s seat, even if there is none.

TYPE 4: The Social Monster

These species hate leaving a conversation unfinished. So, if they had already indulged in a conversation before boarding the elevator with someone, they are often found holding the door open, shouting across the lobby until the conversation is finished, as if everyone was interested in their conversation. They are also the same people who just cannot shutup long enough to ride an elevator. They usually chat up every uncomfortable being in the elevator. Sometimes, when they don’t find people to talk to, they resort to fervently texting or calling up someone in the midst of their elevator journey. It seldom makes a difference that their phone will receive very poor signal, inside the elevator.

TYPE 5: The inconsiderate Nincompoops

There are a variety of nincompoops with different talents found in the elevators. Often the most potent and annoying of the lot; they are usually the ones who’ll walk in with big backpacks, brief cases, bumping you around carelessly. Then there are those who walk in with toxic body odours, tobacco odours and other kinds of lethal odours; coolly indifferent to those around. The worst are the one who suffer from uncontrollable chronic flatulence. The only time they find the need to release themselves is amongst unassuming innocent people trapped for 5 minutes in an elevator. I needn’t say anything more about them. Much has been experienced by us all.

Anyway, my elevator is finally here. I have to go now. I don’t have anything else to say except, man these elevators in my office are bloody slow.